Wednesday, June 3, 2009


I used to belong to an online group of local athletes in San Diego, and some former San Diegans, who had a private message board. I left that group in April, because it became clear that I became a target of this group. My perspective was very different, my opinions sometimes extreme. I have a quite diverse and non-traditional background, so this shouldn't really surprise me or anyone.

It was funny to me how I was criticized rather consistently by the group as being self-promotional, and yet envied at the same time for chasing what I loved and dreamed, taking a risk and trying to make my dreams happen. When I did well I was praised, and when things went bad, or I had a different perspective, I was criticized relentlessly.

I guess it goes to show you can't please everyone. If you're too successful, people will hate that, and if you're a failure they'll rub it in your face.

One person mentioned that if I expected people to support me in my highest moments, then I had to expect people will kick me when I'm down in my lowest. I was at first offended by what he said, but he was right. And then I felt really sorry for those who feel that way. I realized I am better off focusing on what those people closest to me think and feel. Those who support me when I'm injured or sick, and DNFing, not just when I'm finishing on the podium, or have my name in the headlines.

I left that group, and I am today happier and more reassured about that decision. I'm not perfect. I've done things and said things which have upset people, but I've always laid myself out there. I've always been a person who wasn't afraid to make his lofty goals public, despite what others thought of the reality of me reaching them.

I recently saw the movie Tin Cup, (old movie, I know), and a reporter asked Kevin Costner in the movie if he considered how unlikely the chances were of a poor shot choice he made, when he went for the win. He responded with something to the effect of, "Look at me! Look at my weak sponsorships! Do you think I even stood a chance being here? Do you think I really give a damn about odds or chances? Chances are against me no matter what. If I paid attention to chances or odds, I wouldn't even be here."

I think that sums me up very well. I love the fact people have underestimated me. In fact, they would do me a favor by keeping it coming. Hell, in my last post I talked about racing one of the greatest cyclists in American history! I toed the line against him, and was competitive. Trust me, there are plenty of people who have known or met me in my lifetime and would not have believed that could even happen.

I guess that's what is great about life, and sad about those who don't have the same approach.


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